![]() ![]() “Shame-cleaning” conveys the truth that cleaning is often a fraught emotional issue as well as a practical one, and as a result, housekeeping problems should be addressed from both angles. Luckily, I’d bundled most of the clutter into the bedroom before her arrival, so there was somewhere for her to sit down. If she’d shown up just a few minutes earlier, the couch and coffee table would have been strewn with stacks of books and papers. Last month I had a dozen of my students over for dinner, and one of them surprised me by showing up 40 whole minutes early! She caught me with a kitchen full of dirty dishes, but at least the living room was more or less ready to go. And thanks also for introducing me to the term “shame-cleaning,” which so perfectly captures that familiar frantic feeling of triage tidying before company comes. Like you, I’m a cleaning-averse person who wants to make some changes in my approach to housekeeping this year, so thanks for giving me the chance to research and reflect on ways to do that. ![]() Lunar New Year is a great chance to try yet again. Maybe we’ve even given up on our resolutions and reverted to the status quo. Happy New Year, Dusty! Or rather, Happy Newish Year! We’re at that stage in January when we’ve had a chance not only to think about what we’d like to work on in 2020 but also to be reminded of how difficult change can be. How might I start to address this piece of self-care avoidance? -Dusty and Anxious in Massachusetts This is something I really want to work on, because I would like my home to be a nurturing place for myself, my family, and my loved ones. My biggest motivator for cleaning is people coming over (shame-cleaning!), which contributes to greater anxiety about hosting. Psychologist David Barlow defines anxiety as a “future-oriented mood state in which one is ready or prepared to attempt to cope with upcoming negative events.” This mental glance distracts us from concentrating on the things that are available to us right here and right now-and from seeing the future with hope.įorbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches.Dear Curbed, Help! I live with the dysfunction of being cleaning-averse yet stressed out by clutter and dust. When a person perceives an unpredictable and seemingly unavoidable event, even if it is far from the truth, they can experience anxiety. Unlike other negative emotions such as fear, anxiety does not represent an acceptable emotional and cognitive reaction to an anticipated or perceived threat. In other words, we must cultivate a high level of self-awareness and self-management. The only way to counteract the power of our bad habits is to consistently retrain our brains to follow new pathways and establish new routines. ![]() In a stressful situation, our responses and actions are largely determined by neural pathways in our brains that have developed over the course of our lives. Mental habits play a significant role in determining how a leader or employee will react in a contentious situation. ![]() However, the leader is responsible for being a conflict mediator and intelligently leading the conversation toward group objectives and a settlement that acknowledges and meets the needs of everyone involved. Coworkers can become illogical, defensive and angry during conflicts. An effective style of conflict management enables them to take a step back and analyze the results of the conflict from the perspective of the team’s goals. When a situation like this arises, the job of a strong leader becomes absolutely essential. Because of this potential for reaction, our rational mind can be bypassed, and it becomes difficult to respond in a reasonable manner. Leaders must be aware of the fact that confrontation can cause acute stress responses, which can either be violent or passive. In conflict management, for instance, competent leaders need to acknowledge the legitimacy of conflict, be willing to examine issues in a cooperative environment and use their emotional intelligence to make factual comments, ask questions and listen without passing judgment. ![]()
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